1 00:00:00,661 --> 00:00:02,361 - hot in cleveland Is recorded 2 00:00:02,384 --> 00:00:04,648 In front of a live Studio audience. 3 00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:07,169 - and you know, colin, I was surprised to find out 4 00:00:07,235 --> 00:00:10,616 How many ohioans are making Cheese in their own backyards. 5 00:00:10,681 --> 00:00:13,170 And who knew cheese Came from an animal? 6 00:00:13,235 --> 00:00:16,074 - er, everybody. 7 00:00:16,139 --> 00:00:18,627 And for those of you who like Wine with with your cheese, 8 00:00:18,692 --> 00:00:20,232 And I know you do, Victoria, 9 00:00:20,255 --> 00:00:23,254 Tonight's tech report reviews A groundbreaking new app 10 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,520 That actually lets you Taste and smell things 11 00:00:25,586 --> 00:00:26,956 Right on your computer. 12 00:00:27,022 --> 00:00:29,956 For example, This 1964 lafite. 13 00:00:31,012 --> 00:00:32,445 Oh, that is fantastic. 14 00:00:32,512 --> 00:00:35,637 Victoria, smell the bouquet. 15 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:38,127 - I don't smell anything. - really? 16 00:00:38,192 --> 00:00:39,222 Well, they did say Senior citizens 17 00:00:39,246 --> 00:00:40,531 Might not be able To smell it... 18 00:00:40,554 --> 00:00:42,276 - wait, wait, wait, wait! 19 00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:44,638 Ah, yes, yes. No, I... I smell it now. 20 00:00:44,704 --> 00:00:46,169 I smell it big time. 21 00:00:46,235 --> 00:00:48,787 - and the most Amazing feature is, 22 00:00:48,852 --> 00:00:50,286 If you lick the screen, 23 00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:51,989 You can actually Taste the wine. 24 00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:53,318 It's remarkable. 25 00:00:57,533 --> 00:01:00,276 - mmm. Oh, it's a bit tannic. 26 00:01:00,342 --> 00:01:02,158 But, um, very bold finish. 27 00:01:08,225 --> 00:01:10,393 - gotcha! 28 00:01:10,459 --> 00:01:12,722 Oh, the fun we have here At channel seven. 29 00:01:12,788 --> 00:01:14,617 - oh, we certainly do. Lots of fun. 30 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,649 - but what isn't fun 31 00:01:16,715 --> 00:01:18,543 Is that there is something In your house right now 32 00:01:18,566 --> 00:01:20,298 That may be killing you And your children. 33 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:22,330 Stay tuned right After these words. 34 00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:26,010 - I mean, colin pulls these Pranks all the time. 35 00:01:26,033 --> 00:01:27,446 This is just the first Time he's had the nerve 36 00:01:27,469 --> 00:01:29,000 To do it on the air. 37 00:01:29,066 --> 00:01:30,351 - so what did you say To him? 38 00:01:30,374 --> 00:01:32,286 - oh, I went ballistic, Of course. 39 00:01:32,352 --> 00:01:33,797 And then he said what He always says. 40 00:01:33,820 --> 00:01:35,925 "Oh, get over it!" - ew! 41 00:01:35,991 --> 00:01:37,872 I hate when men say Things like that. 42 00:01:37,938 --> 00:01:39,638 "Get over it" Or "Just relax" 43 00:01:39,661 --> 00:01:42,818 Or "How did you get into My apartment without a key?" 44 00:01:42,884 --> 00:01:45,245 - anyway, this time I don't Want to get over it. 45 00:01:45,310 --> 00:01:46,394 I want to get even. 46 00:01:46,459 --> 00:01:48,660 - well, you've come To the right place. 47 00:01:48,725 --> 00:01:51,245 What's his horse's head? - excuse me? 48 00:01:51,310 --> 00:01:52,552 - his weakness. 49 00:01:52,619 --> 00:01:53,967 you know, Like in the godfather, 50 00:01:53,990 --> 00:01:55,851 Where the guy wakes up with his Horse's head in the bed. 51 00:01:55,874 --> 00:01:57,755 Good one that. - oh, yeah. 52 00:01:57,820 --> 00:01:59,606 Well, colin considers himself 53 00:01:59,672 --> 00:02:01,712 Cleveland's Premier ladies man. 54 00:02:01,778 --> 00:02:04,042 You know, he pumps them up And then sleeps with them 55 00:02:04,108 --> 00:02:06,532 And dumps them and brags About it in the newsroom. 56 00:02:06,597 --> 00:02:07,884 - hmm. Has he ever been dumped? 57 00:02:07,907 --> 00:02:10,234 - no, no, he prides Himself on that. 58 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:11,670 - then that's what we'll do. 59 00:02:11,737 --> 00:02:13,585 I'll seduce him, Lead him on, 60 00:02:13,651 --> 00:02:15,979 Then dump him in one of The hideously embarrassing ways 61 00:02:16,044 --> 00:02:18,692 Men have always dumped me. 62 00:02:18,757 --> 00:02:21,980 It's about time I gave a man A taste of his own medicine. 63 00:02:22,044 --> 00:02:24,595 Like that pharmacist I dated. 64 00:02:24,661 --> 00:02:26,298 Only I didn't know He'd have that reaction 65 00:02:26,321 --> 00:02:28,905 To his own medicine. 66 00:02:28,971 --> 00:02:31,394 Anyway, this'll be fun. 67 00:02:31,459 --> 00:02:33,320 - and I won't micro-manage Your method. 68 00:02:33,342 --> 00:02:35,426 You know, just be sure That I am there when you do it, 69 00:02:35,449 --> 00:02:38,031 So that I can pop out and sneer, "Oh, get over it!" 70 00:02:40,139 --> 00:02:42,883 - you'll never believe Who I ran into. 71 00:02:42,949 --> 00:02:45,180 Dead wife guy. 72 00:02:45,247 --> 00:02:48,086 - you mean the guy who almost Threw up when he saw you 73 00:02:48,151 --> 00:02:50,288 Because you look Like his dead wife? 74 00:02:50,353 --> 00:02:51,862 - yes. Dead wife guy. 75 00:02:51,885 --> 00:02:53,798 We had A beautiful conversation. 76 00:02:53,865 --> 00:02:54,915 He asked me out. 77 00:02:54,982 --> 00:02:56,575 And get this... He imports 78 00:02:56,641 --> 00:02:58,745 Italian... Designer... Shoes. 79 00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:00,303 - no! - get out! 80 00:03:00,343 --> 00:03:02,607 - yes, I got myself A number three 81 00:03:02,672 --> 00:03:04,266 On the perfect husband list. 82 00:03:04,331 --> 00:03:06,288 - I thought number three Was a plastic surgeon 83 00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:07,597 Who looks just like George clooney. 84 00:03:07,619 --> 00:03:09,787 - no, no, no, no, no. It goes island owner, 85 00:03:09,853 --> 00:03:11,554 Plastic surgeon who looks Like george clooney, 86 00:03:11,577 --> 00:03:13,042 Importer of designer shoes, 87 00:03:13,108 --> 00:03:15,191 Plastic surgeon who doesn't Look like george clooney, 88 00:03:15,214 --> 00:03:17,255 And any childless Billionaire who... 89 00:03:17,321 --> 00:03:19,362 All: just needs a companion 90 00:03:19,428 --> 00:03:21,436 For the last two weeks Of his life. 91 00:03:23,513 --> 00:03:24,799 - ooh! That must be elka. 92 00:03:24,822 --> 00:03:27,596 She's skyping in From europe. 93 00:03:27,661 --> 00:03:30,692 - bon jour! All: bon jour. 94 00:03:30,757 --> 00:03:34,011 - you know, the food Here in paris is delicious. 95 00:03:34,077 --> 00:03:37,649 Victoria, you would love this Chocolate croissant. 96 00:03:37,715 --> 00:03:39,436 Here, have a lick. 97 00:03:57,822 --> 00:04:00,948 - oh! I'm sorry. I must have the wrong office. 98 00:04:01,013 --> 00:04:03,852 - or the right one. 99 00:04:03,918 --> 00:04:05,543 - what's your handicap? 100 00:04:05,609 --> 00:04:08,128 - beautiful brunettes With killer smiles. 101 00:04:08,193 --> 00:04:11,734 - wait! You're colin cooper. 102 00:04:11,801 --> 00:04:13,905 - yes, I get that quite a lot, 103 00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:16,491 Being colin cooper and all. 104 00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:18,820 - your the most trusted face In cleveland broadcasting. 105 00:04:18,885 --> 00:04:21,788 - it's the rest of me you Gotta worry about. 106 00:04:21,855 --> 00:04:26,000 - I'm joy. Joy scroggs. 107 00:04:26,067 --> 00:04:28,713 Big fan. 108 00:04:28,779 --> 00:04:30,310 - well, thank you. 109 00:04:30,376 --> 00:04:32,543 - mind if I perch? 110 00:04:32,609 --> 00:04:34,906 - a lovely bird should perch. 111 00:04:34,971 --> 00:04:37,075 - it's such a pleasure To hear someone speak 112 00:04:37,141 --> 00:04:40,841 Without an accent. 113 00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:42,512 - well, then I know just where To take you for lunch. 114 00:04:42,535 --> 00:04:44,076 There's a brand-new pub Down on prospect. 115 00:04:44,099 --> 00:04:45,214 Feels just like home. 116 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:46,756 Pints of lager, Steak and kidney pie, 117 00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:47,747 Plates of mushy peas. 118 00:04:47,770 --> 00:04:51,725 - mmm! Mushy peas. 119 00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:53,523 - let me just run down To the set and grab my jacket 120 00:04:53,546 --> 00:04:55,054 And we'll head off, eh? - lovely. 121 00:04:55,078 --> 00:04:57,980 - good. 122 00:04:58,046 --> 00:04:59,480 - sss! 123 00:04:59,545 --> 00:05:01,970 - joy? Where did he go? 124 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,640 - oh, relax. He just went to get his jacket. 125 00:05:03,663 --> 00:05:05,767 It is going splendidly. - heh! 126 00:05:05,833 --> 00:05:06,959 - there's something freeing About hitting on a man 127 00:05:06,982 --> 00:05:08,746 I know I'm gonna Break up with. 128 00:05:08,768 --> 00:05:10,437 You know me, if I were Really into this guy, 129 00:05:10,460 --> 00:05:12,193 I'd be nervous, Self-conscious, obsessive. 130 00:05:12,216 --> 00:05:15,853 - clingy, unbalanced, Insecure. 131 00:05:15,918 --> 00:05:18,341 What? You started it. 132 00:05:18,408 --> 00:05:20,257 - I like being "Cool joy." 133 00:05:20,322 --> 00:05:21,990 I mean, there could be A naked woman 134 00:05:22,013 --> 00:05:23,172 Hiding in that closet Right now 135 00:05:23,195 --> 00:05:25,332 And I could not care less. - oh, come on! 136 00:05:25,397 --> 00:05:27,757 Now what woman in this day And age would hide in a closet? 137 00:05:27,822 --> 00:05:29,850 - I've got a lunch. I'll be back in an hour. 138 00:05:33,056 --> 00:05:36,566 - yes, I am aware Of the irony. 139 00:05:36,631 --> 00:05:38,959 - shall we? - let's. 140 00:05:39,025 --> 00:05:42,118 Me first. 141 00:05:45,504 --> 00:05:48,725 - you know, gucci is about To unveil a new shoe. 142 00:05:48,790 --> 00:05:52,171 A six-inch heel that also Tones your thighs. 143 00:05:54,791 --> 00:05:58,236 Say that again... Only slower. 144 00:05:58,301 --> 00:06:00,061 - I can get you a sample. - oh! 145 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,650 I'm a 6-1/2! 146 00:06:01,716 --> 00:06:05,129 Oh. Perfect sample size. 147 00:06:05,195 --> 00:06:06,576 You about ready to Order dessert? 148 00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:09,661 - oh, uh, let's see... - excuse me. 149 00:06:09,726 --> 00:06:15,055 - I had bread, two glasses Of wine and pasta. 150 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,289 So I need to find Something chocolaty 151 00:06:17,354 --> 00:06:19,055 That's negative 300 calories. 152 00:06:19,077 --> 00:06:20,235 Is everything Okay down there? 153 00:06:20,258 --> 00:06:23,161 - oh, all good. - oh. 154 00:06:23,227 --> 00:06:24,608 - ah, I'm really glad You decided to 155 00:06:24,632 --> 00:06:26,044 Go out with me again, Melanie. 156 00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:28,076 You really are The perfect package. 157 00:06:28,141 --> 00:06:29,364 From the top Of your pretty head 158 00:06:29,387 --> 00:06:30,980 All the way down to your... 159 00:06:31,046 --> 00:06:33,183 Super sexy toe cleavage. 160 00:06:41,227 --> 00:06:44,448 - I think dead wife guy Might be into feet. 161 00:06:45,919 --> 00:06:49,492 Well, not all feet. My feet. 162 00:06:49,557 --> 00:06:50,927 He likes my feet. 163 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,065 - oh, so he's a shrimper. 164 00:06:53,993 --> 00:06:55,492 - a what? 165 00:06:55,557 --> 00:06:57,321 - a shrimper. A guy who likes feet. 166 00:06:57,344 --> 00:06:59,173 - well, actually Toes to be exact. 167 00:06:59,196 --> 00:07:02,066 - because toes look just like Baby shrimp, ergo shrimper. 168 00:07:02,132 --> 00:07:04,523 - hmm. 169 00:07:04,589 --> 00:07:06,416 - well, when you Put it that way, 170 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:10,332 You know, it's... Kinda cute. 171 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:11,960 And maybe I'm wrong. 172 00:07:12,025 --> 00:07:14,959 I mean, all he did was notice That I have attractive feet. 173 00:07:15,026 --> 00:07:16,534 - melanie, Men don't notice feet 174 00:07:16,557 --> 00:07:17,672 Unless they're into feet. 175 00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:20,736 - yeah, they barely Notice faces. 176 00:07:24,345 --> 00:07:25,492 - what's so funny? 177 00:07:25,558 --> 00:07:26,672 - oh, it's from colin. 178 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:28,843 Private joke... About the welsh. 179 00:07:31,078 --> 00:07:32,915 - you already have Private jokes? 180 00:07:32,962 --> 00:07:34,779 Oh! That is so delicious. 181 00:07:34,845 --> 00:07:36,673 He is never going To see it coming. 182 00:07:36,696 --> 00:07:40,141 Ah! I am going to sleep Like a baby tonight. 183 00:07:43,653 --> 00:07:46,460 - you really seem to be having A good time with this guy. 184 00:07:46,526 --> 00:07:47,907 Are sure you're not Falling for him? 185 00:07:47,930 --> 00:07:49,790 - of course not. I would never fall for him. 186 00:07:49,813 --> 00:07:51,023 That would ruin everything. 187 00:07:51,089 --> 00:07:52,523 - you're a good friend, joy. 188 00:07:53,834 --> 00:07:57,055 - I've fallen for him. I've ruined everything! 189 00:08:00,888 --> 00:08:02,716 - how could you be crazy About him already? 190 00:08:02,738 --> 00:08:04,780 It was just one lunch. - a three-hour lunch 191 00:08:04,844 --> 00:08:06,608 Where we never stopped Laughing or talking 192 00:08:06,632 --> 00:08:08,513 Or finishing each Other's sentences. 193 00:08:08,578 --> 00:08:12,056 I mean, sure, he's pompous And smarmy and arrogant. 194 00:08:12,122 --> 00:08:15,822 And in an uglier man, That would be unattractive. 195 00:08:15,887 --> 00:08:17,927 But you know me. 196 00:08:17,993 --> 00:08:20,513 Good-looking bad boy. That's my horse's head. 197 00:08:24,569 --> 00:08:26,609 - you booby-trapped The doughnut box 198 00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:28,407 To make me storm in here Looking ridiculous. 199 00:08:28,430 --> 00:08:31,460 Well, it didn't work. 200 00:08:31,526 --> 00:08:32,832 - oh, come on, victoria, 201 00:08:32,899 --> 00:08:34,344 You can't possibly think I meant that for you. 202 00:08:34,367 --> 00:08:36,131 You're the one whose always Saying, "I never eat sweets. 203 00:08:36,154 --> 00:08:37,715 I've got willpower." 204 00:08:37,782 --> 00:08:40,492 - yeah, well I was having A low blood sugar moment. 205 00:08:40,558 --> 00:08:42,258 - well, listen, if you're Still a bit peckish, 206 00:08:42,281 --> 00:08:44,290 Have a 3 musketeers bar. My treat. 207 00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:46,269 - well, thank you. - gotcha! 208 00:08:46,335 --> 00:08:49,620 - oh, you juvenile, pathetic... - oh, get over it! 209 00:08:51,537 --> 00:08:53,959 Colin cooper. Oh, hi, phil! 210 00:08:54,026 --> 00:08:55,598 Yeah, I can't make The poker game tonight. 211 00:08:55,621 --> 00:08:56,577 I've got a date. 212 00:08:56,611 --> 00:08:58,206 Well, that's just it, mate. 213 00:08:58,270 --> 00:08:59,620 I would rather spend Poker night with joy 214 00:08:59,642 --> 00:09:00,642 'cause I could see this Really turning into 215 00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,290 Something serious. 216 00:09:02,355 --> 00:09:03,694 Oh, so I'm a woman 217 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,981 Because now I care About someone. 218 00:09:05,004 --> 00:09:06,759 Well, you're the woman! 219 00:09:06,824 --> 00:09:08,397 No, just don't tell The other guys. 220 00:09:08,420 --> 00:09:11,130 Just say I'm sick Or something. 221 00:09:15,441 --> 00:09:17,833 - are you okay? You seem a little nervous. 222 00:09:17,899 --> 00:09:19,823 - no, it's just, I... I got you something, 223 00:09:19,845 --> 00:09:23,802 And I just hope It's not too soon. 224 00:09:23,866 --> 00:09:26,992 - oh, bill. It's a ring box. 225 00:09:27,059 --> 00:09:29,354 - it most certainly is. 226 00:09:31,239 --> 00:09:33,121 It's a toe ring. 227 00:09:36,154 --> 00:09:38,641 - it most certainly is. 228 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:44,737 - may I? 229 00:09:50,612 --> 00:09:51,727 - yes. 230 00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:00,663 Patrons: ew! Ugh! 231 00:10:06,186 --> 00:10:09,471 - break out the cocktail sauce, I'm dating a shrimper. 232 00:10:09,538 --> 00:10:11,258 - really? 233 00:10:11,324 --> 00:10:13,620 You gonna keep him Or throw him back? 234 00:10:13,687 --> 00:10:15,823 - keep him, I think. 235 00:10:15,889 --> 00:10:17,333 I mean, that's why I moved To cleveland. 236 00:10:17,356 --> 00:10:18,855 To try new things, right? 237 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,790 I mean, how bad could it be To have a guy worship your feet? 238 00:10:21,857 --> 00:10:23,386 - wouldn't know. 239 00:10:23,451 --> 00:10:27,184 Never had a man travel That far south. 240 00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:29,642 Most just make a quick stop At the equator, 241 00:10:29,708 --> 00:10:32,514 Empty my fridge, And peel out of the driveway. 242 00:10:36,473 --> 00:10:40,045 - ladies, I have fabulous news! 243 00:10:40,112 --> 00:10:42,184 - you started playing Paintball? 244 00:10:42,251 --> 00:10:44,738 - oh, no, no, it's just Another one of colin's pranks. 245 00:10:44,803 --> 00:10:47,610 Which makes my fabulous news Even more enjoyable. 246 00:10:47,675 --> 00:10:49,780 I overheard Colin on the phone. 247 00:10:49,846 --> 00:10:52,716 Joy, he is genuinely Crazy about you. 248 00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,695 - really? Are you sure? 249 00:10:54,761 --> 00:10:56,430 - not only are you going To destroy his ego, 250 00:10:56,452 --> 00:10:57,994 But you are going To break the heart 251 00:10:58,017 --> 00:11:01,301 Of a man who truly thinks You have a future together. 252 00:11:03,154 --> 00:11:04,919 - you know, To prolong his agony, 253 00:11:04,942 --> 00:11:07,525 Maybe you should let joy String him along for a while. 254 00:11:07,590 --> 00:11:08,929 - yes! 255 00:11:08,995 --> 00:11:12,695 Like after christmas In london with my family. 256 00:11:12,762 --> 00:11:15,407 That'll really get him. - no, no! 257 00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:17,898 What are you talking about? Now, I had this all planned. 258 00:11:17,963 --> 00:11:20,356 You know, you were gonna Dump him on the porch tonight. 259 00:11:20,421 --> 00:11:22,258 Then, while he's Reeling in shock, 260 00:11:22,303 --> 00:11:24,568 You'll ring the wind chimes, And that'll be my signal 261 00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:27,950 To come out and gloat. 262 00:11:28,017 --> 00:11:29,557 - oh, so now you like The wind chimes. 263 00:11:29,580 --> 00:11:30,866 When I bought them At the renaissance fair, 264 00:11:30,889 --> 00:11:32,164 You said they were stupid. 265 00:11:32,229 --> 00:11:33,599 - yeah, well they are stupid, 266 00:11:33,666 --> 00:11:36,823 And so is The renaissance fair. 267 00:11:36,889 --> 00:11:38,303 - oh, yeah? Well that's just because 268 00:11:38,325 --> 00:11:42,376 You weren't selected To be wench of the joust. 269 00:11:42,442 --> 00:11:44,962 - mmmaybe. 270 00:11:45,027 --> 00:11:46,940 Anyway, the important thing is 271 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,025 Colin will never be able To look at joy again 272 00:11:49,048 --> 00:11:50,781 Without disgust And heartbreak. 273 00:11:50,804 --> 00:11:53,067 Oh! It's just so beautiful. 274 00:12:00,123 --> 00:12:02,547 - colin, stop! I don't think we should... 275 00:12:02,612 --> 00:12:04,430 - should what? 276 00:12:04,496 --> 00:12:06,823 - stop kissing. 277 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,218 That wind chime noise 278 00:12:10,241 --> 00:12:12,504 Was caused by the wind! 279 00:12:12,570 --> 00:12:15,695 - isn't that usually The case with wind chimes? 280 00:12:17,039 --> 00:12:18,962 - oh, no, a second chime! You've got to go now! 281 00:12:18,985 --> 00:12:20,653 - you gonna turn into A pumpkin or something? 282 00:12:20,676 --> 00:12:22,057 - I'll explain Everything tomorrow. 283 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,451 Just go! 284 00:12:23,517 --> 00:12:25,367 Text me! 285 00:12:25,432 --> 00:12:28,207 - oh, get over it... Wait, where did he go? 286 00:12:28,273 --> 00:12:29,579 I heard wind chimes. 287 00:12:29,645 --> 00:12:32,578 - I didn't break up With him. 288 00:12:32,644 --> 00:12:33,994 There's just this thing Between us. 289 00:12:34,016 --> 00:12:35,260 I can't explain it. 290 00:12:35,325 --> 00:12:36,707 You know the thing You can't explain. 291 00:12:36,730 --> 00:12:38,431 - you know the thing. - yeah, we all know the thing. 292 00:12:38,454 --> 00:12:41,642 We've all done stupid things For the thing. 293 00:12:41,708 --> 00:12:43,812 And if you think That this thing is 294 00:12:43,879 --> 00:12:45,984 Going to turn into A bigger thing, then... 295 00:12:46,049 --> 00:12:48,217 Well, I won't stand In your way. 296 00:12:48,284 --> 00:12:51,312 I'll just have to get back At colin some other way. 297 00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,260 - thank you, victoria. 298 00:12:53,326 --> 00:12:54,887 - all right. 299 00:12:58,304 --> 00:12:59,707 - it's from colin. 300 00:12:59,772 --> 00:13:01,175 "Lunch tomorrow, baby?" 301 00:13:01,241 --> 00:13:03,005 That's what he calls me. "Baby." 302 00:13:03,028 --> 00:13:05,420 - ah. - hmm! 303 00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:06,802 Oh, god, What term of endearment 304 00:13:06,825 --> 00:13:08,962 Should I write back? Honey? 305 00:13:09,028 --> 00:13:10,537 Sounds like We're old marrieds. 306 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:12,536 Ducky? Who am I, benny hill? 307 00:13:12,602 --> 00:13:14,079 Oh, god! It's happening! 308 00:13:14,102 --> 00:13:17,037 I was "Cool joy" when I knew It was going to end, 309 00:13:17,102 --> 00:13:19,091 But now that I care, I'm nervous and insecure. 310 00:13:19,113 --> 00:13:22,047 - no, no, fight it. You can be cool joy again. 311 00:13:22,114 --> 00:13:24,164 Just like I'm "Cool melanie" Dating a shrimper. 312 00:13:24,187 --> 00:13:26,293 Me! 313 00:13:26,358 --> 00:13:27,665 - that's right, joy. 314 00:13:27,730 --> 00:13:29,303 I mean, if someone As uptight as melanie 315 00:13:29,326 --> 00:13:30,313 Can date a pervert, 316 00:13:30,379 --> 00:13:33,185 Then surely There's hope for you. 317 00:13:33,251 --> 00:13:34,846 - you are crazy. 318 00:13:34,912 --> 00:13:36,515 You're much prettier Than keira knightly. 319 00:13:36,539 --> 00:13:37,877 - oh, please. 320 00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:39,760 Tell me more. 321 00:13:39,826 --> 00:13:41,706 And support your argument. 322 00:13:41,773 --> 00:13:42,792 - you seen her feet? 323 00:13:42,857 --> 00:13:44,101 She's a two-socker. 324 00:13:45,986 --> 00:13:47,622 You know, bill, I'm getting a sense 325 00:13:47,644 --> 00:13:49,505 Of what you're into, And if I'm right, 326 00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:53,420 I am willing to... Dip my toe in the water. 327 00:13:53,486 --> 00:13:55,207 - really? 328 00:13:55,273 --> 00:13:57,633 - it's all new to me, But I'm cool. 329 00:13:57,698 --> 00:13:59,527 I'm cool melanie, Trying new things. 330 00:13:59,550 --> 00:14:00,984 - well, fantastic! 331 00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:03,505 Well, then would you be up For a little role playing? 332 00:14:03,572 --> 00:14:05,100 - role playing? 333 00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:06,345 - yeah, just... 334 00:14:06,411 --> 00:14:08,111 Hang your feet off The edge of the chair there. 335 00:14:08,135 --> 00:14:10,399 Like they're sticking out Of the window of a parked car, 336 00:14:10,464 --> 00:14:14,229 And I'll be the officer Passing by. 337 00:14:17,454 --> 00:14:18,506 'scuse me, ma'am. 338 00:14:18,571 --> 00:14:21,379 I couldn't help Noticin' your feet. 339 00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:24,154 - oh, sorry. 340 00:14:24,219 --> 00:14:25,845 I was just... 341 00:14:25,911 --> 00:14:28,942 Airing them out. 342 00:14:29,007 --> 00:14:32,164 - well, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to arrest you 343 00:14:32,231 --> 00:14:33,761 For a dui. 344 00:14:33,826 --> 00:14:38,452 Deliciously unforgettable Instep. 345 00:14:38,518 --> 00:14:40,143 - oh, officer, 346 00:14:40,209 --> 00:14:42,345 Couldn't you just let me off With a warning? 347 00:14:42,412 --> 00:14:44,804 - well, There's also the issue 348 00:14:44,869 --> 00:14:47,611 Of indecent exposure. 349 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,814 But I could give you Something to slip on. 350 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,080 - shoe sample? 351 00:14:57,061 --> 00:14:59,708 - this one's for you... 352 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:03,825 Cause you're a good girl. 353 00:15:03,890 --> 00:15:07,622 And this one's for you... 354 00:15:07,688 --> 00:15:09,761 Cause you're a bad girl. 355 00:15:11,104 --> 00:15:12,952 - you know what? 356 00:15:15,763 --> 00:15:17,612 - hi! Ready for lunch. 357 00:15:17,678 --> 00:15:20,549 - oy, you look ravishing. - thank you. 358 00:15:20,614 --> 00:15:21,995 - hey, does this Sound scary enough 359 00:15:22,018 --> 00:15:23,325 For the 11:00 news program? 360 00:15:23,391 --> 00:15:25,219 "There's a flesh-eating virus That may be lurking 361 00:15:25,242 --> 00:15:27,504 In something you and your Children eat every day." 362 00:15:27,571 --> 00:15:29,261 - oh, my god, is there? 363 00:15:29,327 --> 00:15:30,963 - no, that's why I legally Have to say "May be." 364 00:15:30,986 --> 00:15:32,995 - oh, excuse me, Mr. Cooper? 365 00:15:33,061 --> 00:15:34,378 They need you In editing for a second, 366 00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,368 And this came for you. 367 00:15:35,390 --> 00:15:37,016 - thanks, devon. 368 00:15:37,082 --> 00:15:38,516 - devon. 369 00:15:38,582 --> 00:15:40,156 It's a pretty name. Pretty girl. 370 00:15:40,179 --> 00:15:42,314 - yeah, I suppose so. 371 00:15:42,380 --> 00:15:43,985 - who's the gift from? - probably just a fan. 372 00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:47,452 - hmm. A fan named "Love ya, jennifer." 373 00:15:47,518 --> 00:15:48,888 Who's "Love ya, jennifer"? 374 00:15:48,955 --> 00:15:50,102 - I haven't a clue. 375 00:15:50,167 --> 00:15:52,145 I'll make this as quick As I can, baby. 376 00:15:55,561 --> 00:15:57,825 - cool joy. 377 00:15:57,891 --> 00:15:59,580 Cool joy. 378 00:15:59,646 --> 00:16:02,294 Cool joy. 379 00:16:02,359 --> 00:16:03,729 Oh, screw it! 380 00:16:03,795 --> 00:16:05,249 Aah! - gotcha! 381 00:16:08,487 --> 00:16:10,655 - victoria, you did this? 382 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,037 - joy, that was meant For colin. 383 00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:14,421 Why did you open it? - it was taunting me. 384 00:16:14,487 --> 00:16:16,187 I could hear it saying, "I'm from jennifer! 385 00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,027 "I'm 22! I have big breasts. 386 00:16:18,093 --> 00:16:20,209 Colin and I laugh about you When we're having great sex!" 387 00:16:20,231 --> 00:16:21,475 - all right, now I'm confused. 388 00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:23,676 Are you the box Or are you jennifer? 389 00:16:23,742 --> 00:16:25,603 - he's coming back! Hide in your closet. 390 00:16:25,625 --> 00:16:27,984 - it is not my closet! - just hide! 391 00:16:31,784 --> 00:16:35,102 So, you ready to go? 392 00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:37,305 - what happened to you? 393 00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:39,219 - I opened the box. 394 00:16:39,285 --> 00:16:41,804 - victoria. I'm sorry. 395 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,613 That must have been A practical joke meant for me. 396 00:16:44,678 --> 00:16:47,644 But, darling, Why did you open it? 397 00:16:47,710 --> 00:16:51,729 - because I get crazy jealous When I care about a man. 398 00:16:51,796 --> 00:16:53,805 Also crazy paranoid. 399 00:16:53,870 --> 00:16:56,517 Oh, and crazy insecure. 400 00:16:56,584 --> 00:16:58,634 But for what it's worth, I've been trying to fight it. 401 00:16:58,657 --> 00:16:59,708 But it's hard. 402 00:16:59,774 --> 00:17:01,092 I just want To be honest with you. 403 00:17:01,114 --> 00:17:02,336 - then I'll be honest With you. 404 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,847 I've been fighting My true nature as well. 405 00:17:04,912 --> 00:17:06,857 I've been faithful to you Since we met. 406 00:17:06,923 --> 00:17:09,985 And it's killing me. 407 00:17:10,051 --> 00:17:11,677 - we met eight days ago. 408 00:17:11,743 --> 00:17:14,039 - I know. It's a personal best. 409 00:17:14,104 --> 00:17:16,656 - so our fake selves Are compatible, 410 00:17:16,721 --> 00:17:18,890 But our real selves Wouldn't stand a chance. 411 00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:22,050 Insane jealousy does not pair Well with serial womanizer. 412 00:17:22,115 --> 00:17:24,379 - not in my experience, no. 413 00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:26,006 - on the other hand, 414 00:17:26,072 --> 00:17:29,261 My real safe And my fake self 415 00:17:29,328 --> 00:17:31,124 Are incredibly attracted To you. 416 00:17:31,146 --> 00:17:32,656 - please tell me At least one of them 417 00:17:32,679 --> 00:17:34,783 Is about to get naked. 418 00:17:34,849 --> 00:17:37,879 - well, it has been Eight days. 419 00:17:37,945 --> 00:17:40,018 Wait! What about my green face? 420 00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:41,199 - what green face? 421 00:17:41,264 --> 00:17:43,240 - men really don't notice Faces, do they? 422 00:17:43,307 --> 00:17:44,549 - I should warn you. 423 00:17:44,616 --> 00:17:46,635 I normally break up with a woman Once I sleep with her. 424 00:17:46,658 --> 00:17:47,901 - and I should warn you. 425 00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:49,763 Something will be missing From your office tomorrow, 426 00:17:49,785 --> 00:17:50,816 Or broken off your car. 427 00:17:50,839 --> 00:17:52,848 - fine! - fine! 428 00:18:01,338 --> 00:18:03,029 - victoria? What the... 429 00:18:03,094 --> 00:18:05,549 - oh, get over it! 430 00:18:10,912 --> 00:18:12,667 - coming up next... 431 00:18:12,732 --> 00:18:14,210 Is there something In your house 432 00:18:14,232 --> 00:18:16,178 That's causing you And your children 433 00:18:16,243 --> 00:18:18,028 To go bald? 434 00:18:18,094 --> 00:18:19,719 The answer may surprise you. 435 00:18:19,786 --> 00:18:21,539 Isn't that right, colin? 436 00:18:21,605 --> 00:18:23,485 - sure surprised me. 437 00:18:27,254 --> 00:18:28,880 - oh! How did you... 438 00:18:28,945 --> 00:18:30,093 - I switched out his shampoo 439 00:18:30,126 --> 00:18:32,262 For something A little more potent. 440 00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:33,923 I did it for me and victoria 441 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:36,795 And all the other women He's dumped. 442 00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:38,199 Although I must say, 443 00:18:38,265 --> 00:18:41,166 He looks rather good bald, Doesn't he? 444 00:18:41,233 --> 00:18:43,593 A lot of women find That look attractive. 445 00:18:43,658 --> 00:18:45,539 Me, for instance. 446 00:18:45,605 --> 00:18:47,656 Oh, great, now he's going to Have even more women, 447 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,476 And there's no chance we'll Ever get back together again. 448 00:18:49,499 --> 00:18:51,156 I know! 449 00:18:51,221 --> 00:18:53,166 I'll pin this on victoria. 450 00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:55,752 That way he'll need me To get back at her. 451 00:18:55,817 --> 00:18:57,486 I'll make it up To victoria somehow. 452 00:18:57,509 --> 00:18:59,263 It'll all be fine In the end. 453 00:18:59,329 --> 00:19:00,285 - good night, joy. 454 00:19:00,318 --> 00:19:01,986 - oh, good night, Melanie. 455 00:19:02,009 --> 00:19:04,082 Melanie... 456 00:19:04,148 --> 00:19:07,082 The only problem With this plan is melanie. 457 00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,028 She knows too much.